Kaleidoscope

A Kaleidoscopic viewpoint of the world is what I wanted and for the last fourteen years it is what I got, the entails and all – the well documented life of a Mr Nobody.
Despite a deep down feeling, a knowing almost that my path was defined, I have struggled with that definite. I have tried to run away from the end stop, the halfway house, the hostel - old and lonely, decaying and dismissive.

A ladder, a path, a journey or a voyage, however you view life I have never been able to shake that feeling I am certainly not alone in this. I am not the only Mr Nobody. I am not the only one that cannot maintain relationships, I am not the only one who doesn’t want children. I am not the only one with ideas of grandeur or delusions of insanity. I am not the only one that struggles. I always wanted this blog to be from that perspective whilst in reality it hasn’t been. It was a mourning to a life I thought I was entitled to just because love entered my life. A divine right that was never real from the start. Spinning and twining my misery around an event, a moment of time, so brief and fleeting that it would hardly make a decent chapter in a book. Becoming further and further isolated from what life was actually about and that was always something, mostly anything more than I had.
What I always had was a gutter perspective of the world with the better days being at street level and whilst I stand by the fact I don’t believe people can fundamentally change, times do though, as do perspectives and it only seems right to move home both literally and within the digital world.
They say you always come home, and home is where I am, slapped right bang in the middle of suburbia. With kittens playing at my feet the crinkle of the leather sofa brings about a wave of contentment never felt before and the need to start writing and creating from a different perspective. One with a little bit more light than darkness and actual documents of work rather than half scraped together thoughts and extracts. It is all work in progress as is the life of My Nobody and will be ready soon. The Red bubble photos are a start of a life from that different perspective. A teaser. A trailer. A pre cursor to something hopefully better.

Watch this space.

Purple

The familiarity behind a mechanically reclaimed sausage led me out into a world looking less than ordinary and it made me realise the transition and change. It could be any day as every day is the same as the one before but briefly punctuated by sporting events or visits from faraway friends. It is not a glum existence as the routine and mundane implies as beyond the routine lies a magical place of my making. A sharp contrast to the way I have lived, survived, to date as the relative Mr Nobody this blog has always been about before.

So this would be a fond farewell to a person I have known and loved and loathed over the last decade. There are those of you that know me, have known me or think that you know me that read this, check in with it, to see if perhaps I am still alive, still disillusioned, lost or unhappy. Perhaps to see if things would change. There are those massive regrets, the lows and the loves lost and thrown away, there has also been a lot I have blamed myself for and failed to look past the end of my own nose maybe into the direction of somewhere else. Things change. People don’t. We find ourselves though or lose ourselves more. We settle or accept contentment. Happiness being more a marketing gimmick that an actual destination. As a feeling it has its merits.

It is literally the light I see blinding me each day reminding me of the progress, evolution and eventual endpoint. Mr Nobody is no more and a somebody is forming in the distance.

To be continued.......