Ramble

Like so many postcodes the names of the past litter the memory and trigger reverie on a windy but sunny saturday afternoon. The view from the window is mock idealic but mock is better than muck and it is good albeit perhaps only a temporary restbite from the misery that has been or maybe a new start. The problem with a new start is that is feels oh so familiar, a little tired now and i am becoming one of those travelling Nobody's that hide behind the service door afraid to commit to anything actually real. It is indeed another hotel, in another oxford market town - it feels the tired cliches of hotel life and the incestrious nature and debahuchery that becomes normal. It still all fits but more like a favourite but old suit, one that perhaps you shouldnt wear anymore but still do because you think it looks good, and it can look good, but in short bursts, at the right time, not all the time, the suit that is the security blanket. Freud would have a field day. Its a stop gap onto somewhere else yet somewhere else seems another world away. My heart, soul, brain and sometimes seperate common sense are call clashing for opinion space and quite clearly all disagreeing. My teeth ache and at the back of my head for over a week now there has been a nagging pain barely relieved by codeine and made worse at the smell of alcohol. It has been a hard week, pain does funny things. All these little symptoms create that worry that one of those million plus cigarettes was one two many or that something else has finally caught up with me. Its hard to imagine myself ill. I have had accidents and hurt myself but my body has recivered naturally and quickly but have never been ill. Boredom has set in. The sun has been hidden and there is no milk for tea.