The Intercity Luton Line

There is an abundance of shoppers flowing around the streets of Luton with the soundtrack that is stripping me of the last vestiges of sanity and dignity seemingly playing from every shop, stall and even police cars. Long phonecalls that have done nothing but rape me of battery and credit, begging, crying praying for a solution to the fact that with a pound in my pocket and the dark just creeping in homelessness at Christmas simply will not become an option. There were conversations with the dead, the soon to be dead and the very dead all whilst the words that dropped from my mouth were mis-understood, mis-con screwed and pretty much ignored. Family become a nightmare - a waking nightmare that is hard to escape and friends become in the vain of my life worthless and pointless.

Luton is handy in the fact that the intercity London trains fly through at over a hundred miles per hour not stopping until London not pausing even for the wreckage of a man haunted by his own existence. I was here a few years ago covered in bloody vomit from my stomach ulcer and the stress of sleeping and living within the extreme heat of an unusual summer. I managed to escape last time... i managed to find the emotional strength and support i needed to resist the urge to jump and watch my life finally flash before my eyes and that of a hundred onlookers. Its a harsh Christmas present for those around that see or hear of or read about in the future but hopefully it will make them look long and hard at their actions or lack of responsibilities. Those with all, or those with at least a sum of the part never wanted to add to the equation and the encouragement for my actions have been loud and clear. It is a shame we live in a world with so many constrictions and borders in obtaining pills that are actually worth taking on bulk, last time, it was just a bloody ulcer and painful morning. The wreckage of my insides still taunting me each day and the mess of my mind a constant reminder that all of this is for the best.

I woke once more with her drowning out my thoughts and her screaming into my mind and made the decision finally within a few minutes. A cup of tea, half a packet of fags and sitting on the cold balcony of another place I have to leave shortly. Nobody wants a Mr Nobody - not even himself anymore......